Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
