She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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