I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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