i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
