the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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