i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
