Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
