GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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