I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
