So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
