last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
