The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
