it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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