I'm so fucking centered right now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
