I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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