just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
