Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
