so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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