It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
