did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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