I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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