Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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