Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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