I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
