So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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