just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sext me about skeletons
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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