had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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