becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I AM VODKA MAN
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
is it fun? or sober?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
