So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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