mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
