I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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