considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
