i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
