I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
