Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
