how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
