Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
