U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
PANTIES FOUND
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