i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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