Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
