I bet he comes in French.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
