I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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