omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
