She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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