Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
