Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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