I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
