How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
