You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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