Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
