forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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