I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
