I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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