Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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